childloss · grief · infantloss · Labour · miscarriage · pregnancy · stillbirth · Uncategorized

“Why do you always share the same pictures of Otis?”

“Why do you always share the same pictures of Otis?”

A perfectly reasonable question, really. It’s been 8 weeks today since my precious boy arrive Earth side. During the 7 and a half weeks since I shared the news that he had passed away & had been born, I have shared a few pictures of him and have shared those same few pictures repeatedly when I talk about Otis.

I’ve done this for two reasons ..

1.) to make sure most of his pictures stay private with us; I’ve only shared the pictures in which Otis looks like he is sleeping. I only have 219 pictures, I don’t want them all to be seen by everybody. I have to keep something of him sacred to me, Chris and our families. The majority of them will never be seen by anybody that isn’t an immediate family member or a very close friend. It may seem that I’ve shared a lot of pictures and a lot regarding Otis’ death and thereafter … But I really haven’t. I have only scratched the surface. People think they know everything but in reality, unless I have personally told you that you know everything there is to know about Otis, you know nothing. That comforts me; knowing that a LOT of what’s happened is still private to us.

2.) If I share all the pictures I am willing to share in one go, then there’s nothing left. There’s nothing new to share with you. There’s no new pictures for you to see. If I introduce new ones intermittently then I feel like I’m sharing a different part of Otis that you haven’t seen before & that makes me happy – knowing that each new picture reminds the world of his beauty. It makes me happy knowing that in a few years, there will still be parts of Otis that people haven’t seen – like there would be if he was here, living πŸ‘ΌπŸ»

In time, as and when I feel ready, I will share some different pictures. But let it be known that there are only two people walking the Earth who have seen and who will ever see every single picture of Otis that exists – and that is Chris and I πŸ’™

Otis Dominic Anthony Cullen; we miss you, we love you, we will do both eternally.


One thought on ““Why do you always share the same pictures of Otis?”

  1. It doesn’t matter if you share the same photos, you don’t have to share them all. You do it when YOU feel ready, when YOU feel the time is right. All THREE of your children will be so proud of you, I have so much respect for you X


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