"Why do you always share the same pictures of Otis?" A perfectly reasonable question, really. It's been 8 weeks today since my precious boy arrive Earth side. During the 7 and a half weeks since I shared the news that he had passed away & had been born, I have shared a few pictures of… Continue reading “Why do you always share the same pictures of Otis?”
Possibly one of the worst things about becoming a bereaved parent is the regrets you live with for the rest of your life; the constant 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' ... In hindsight, I have a lot of regrets when it comes to Otis' birth and every day thereafter until he was buried. The hardest… Continue reading Regrets and Mistakes.
People keep asking me what "the point" of me sharing our story is... "The point" of this story is that our son did not only die, but that he lived. Our little boy exceeded every expectation and lived for 35 weeks against all odds. That's what many people do not realise about stillborn babies -… Continue reading I would choose you.
People have a habit of telling me 'you'll be happy again one day' ... Do you want to know something? I will never, ever be fully happy again. Yes, I will find happiness; I HAVE happiness. But I will NEVER be fully happy again. I will move forward; I will find my new normal and I will learn to live with… Continue reading The terrifying truth of life after stillbirth.
It's hard being four. I'm four. I'm told I'm a big girl all the time but then I get called baby. I don't yet understand that this is just an affectionate nickname. I'm told to try and put my shoes on by myself but then most of the time mummy ends up doing them anyway.… Continue reading I’m only four.
There are very few things in any person's life that are 'permanent' ... There's not a lot that can happen to a person that is guaranteed to last forever, as much as people like to wish certain things will. To date, there are six things in my life that are 'permanent' - that will last until I… Continue reading Permanent.
There are a few things that have just completely amazed me since Otis passed away. I'm sure a lot of, if not all, stillbirth parents can relate to this ... 1.) The number of friends I thought I had rapidly diminishing. 2.) The number of people pretending to be my friend to get information about Otis… Continue reading I really dislike people, right now.
When I was led on the bathroom floor of the hospital in the shower, arms wrapped around my pregnant tummy, squeezing my bump so tight, screaming NO in to the floor after realising my little boy had really stopped moving; after realising that my little boy's heart had really stopped beating; after realising that this… Continue reading ‘They had woven a net of their broken hearts…’